Let's give this another try!

Well ... a couple of years have passed since I first started this blog ... and promptly forgot about it again! Seems that consistency is not my strong suite! I have, however, started to journal (in lovely books) on a fairly regular basis over the last couple of years. It helps me get out whatever is roaming about in my brain ...I'm going through a transitional time in my life ... welcome to menopause and all that encompasses! My attitudes have changed radically with the advent of this change in my physical body ... I'm no longer content to tolerate behaviours that run against my grain ... doesn't seem to matter whose those are! But mostly it's got to do with my dissatisfaction with my marriage ... a relationship I've remained in for way too long for assorted reasons. This relationship has been sour for a very long time ... I would likely have done us both a great service by ending it long ago ... but made the conscious decision to stay "for the kids" ... although in hindsight (which is, of course, 20/20) I'm not certain that was necessarily of benefit to either of them! I think that I've just managed to show them my lack of initiative in standing up for myself and getting on with my own life. For some reason, over the years I managed to "hang in there" but now it is becoming increasingly more difficult to remain where I am no longer happy. I have come to a time in my life where I think I deserve to be happy and at peace ... and I'm most certainly neither of those right now! I'm actually in the process of coming to terms with the fact that I must get out while I still retain some modicum of sanity ... something that is not necessarily caused by my partner, but rather my own dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs. I am searching for answers to existential questions such as "what is my life's purpose" ... what am I here to accomplish ... and the fact that I'm well into the mid-point of my life makes finding the answers all the more pressing, as I do not want to waste whatever time I have left here on this earth. To that end, I've been reading loads of self-help books, the latest of which is Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose" and will be participating in the online discussions on Oprah.com starting March 3/08. So ... onwards and upwards, as they say!